This article was published with Obscura Zine.
“As a model, you can’t be very self conscious because your body’s kind of not your own when you’re a vessel for somebody else’s imagination,” Kate Moss told Bella Freud on the Fashion Neurosis podcast.
This concept, the everyday notions of not only being a model or an actress, but being a woman at all, who undergoes the process of getting, “dolled up” is not new or groundbreaking.
For many, this is a universal experience in the day to day, but in the fashion and entertainment worlds, it can be especially disorienting to mold your identity to new characters, tropes and aesthetics constantly. To be pulled in different directions for the sake of someone else’s vision, like a puppet on strings, can lead down a fuzzy sight of individuality, a path covered in haze of who you once were underneath it all.
Actress and model Brielle Costello experiences this tug and release of the strings behind this industry– the kind of work that seems to erupt both love and hate, sacrifice and dedication, passion and burnout.
How long have you been acting?
Since I was in middle school! In high school, I started to develop a passion and sense of purpose from acting and knew it was something I wanted to study seriously in college. I’ve been pursuing it ever since.
How does it feel to act/model, or more specifically how does it feel to learn to mold yourself into these different characters and tropes?
There are so many different feelings when it comes to acting and modeling. When you are in a creative “flow state,” like when performing or on set, I feel there is an otherworldly connection grounding you in the present moment and also keeping you connected to something higher than you creatively. I think when these art forms are done in a connected way it can feel like that scene from Soul where you are in this liminal space and time between worlds when you are creating.
When it comes to building a character, I was actually taught to bring my authentic self to a role rather than trying to mold into what I think the character should be or try to fit the stereotype of the character. I think that is a common misconception about acting! I have been taught that acting should be about revealing the truth rather than hiding behind smoke and mirrors, even though we do that sometimes too! Viola Davis has an interview where she talks about “taking the mask off” when you are acting. You could say this is the opposite of donning the role as the “doll” in this shoot. But I think we have all been the doll and we have all been our authentic selves in our arts at times.
Anyway, of course if you want to show up authentically in anything including your art there is a lot of inner work that has to be done, but there are also tangible techniques you can use too to break down a script so that you can reveal who the character is, what their circumstances are, what their point of view is and all of that. In terms of how you determine the character’s actions in a script, you break up the scene into “beats” based on the objective of the character in the script (what the character needs overall) and so on. So when you are acting and getting into a character and who they are it honestly feels like building something as opposed to molding to something that is already there. I am not squeezing myself into a predetermined mold but building and shaping a person based on the circumstances of the play and from my soul.
As for modeling, I feel similarly but I do think we play with tropes more in this medium. In this shoot for example the direction from Obscura was, “broken doll, what is it like to relate to this concept of getting dolled up for public perception?” While I think the concept of this shoot is meaningful and vast, the shot needed to be theatrical and stylized in the vein of a sad clown which is a very well known trope. A combination of entertainment and the feeling of desperation we all get in this industry. Because there is no script I did become inspired by mime tropes. When you study commedia dell'arte (mask work) you play with a lot of big gestures and heighted feelings. Coupling this acting style with the concept of the shoot helped me come up with inspiration for how to pose in this shoot.
Once I found this direction I fell into a preparation process similar to acting, asking myself, “Who am I in this circumstance?” “What opposites are we playing with here?” Performance and desperation. “How do I act when I, Brielle, am at the crossroads of these feelings?”
Finding a flow in movement and creativity and connection with the photographer to get the shot. Thinking of different circumstances to inspire movement and facial expressions that lean into the objective of the shoot. The difference is when I am modeling I will get into the flow state but then also thinking about how I am looking in the shot (best angles, body placement, product placement) thinking of composition so that I can also be inspired to move to the next moment/pose. Whereas acting is more about existing.
When I am acting or modeling from a place of freedom and authenticity, I never feel the need to mold, squeeze, or shift into something I am not because the inspiration comes from within and is seemingly unending, energetic, and intuitive. When it comes to the business side of acting and modeling is where I often struggle to fit a mold, do as I am told, or people please.
It is very difficult to break into these industries. I have wanted into them so badly for a long time that there have been times where I have built up so much pressure on myself to get a “yes” that I have obsessed over “what I have to do to be accepted.”
I've found myself trying to keep up with the trends of each industry, for example, what styles, body types, are acceptable one minute and what is considered out the next minute. When I get an audition instead of just doing what feels right in the moment I may default to “trying to do the scene like how the casting directors what it to be” which is most of the time detrimental to any performance or interaction in general. Trying to market yourself or do your art for the sake of other people or trying to be liked is always painful because you are pushing aside your instincts and uniqueness to fit “what you think that is what the gatekeepers of this industry want.”When I actively choose to try to be accepted as opposed to just being and following my gut I feel the most like a sad clown or in this case a broken doll.
With these professions or passions, do you ever find yourself questioning your own identity?
Of course! Especially in the face of the business of these industries. At this point in my life I do feel confidence in myself and my artistry most days. But when I falter in that confidence and sense of self is often when faced with the inevitable rejection and barriers that come with these industries.
It is easy to question my worth when I am navigating in this industry, there are many people telling you how to act, how to advertise yourself and these people have strong opinions. It's easy to listen to them instead of listening to my gut or going with my own taste. Sometimes I will walk into an acting showcase or audition and get feedback that absolutely tears me down or lifts me way up. I have based my identity on that feedback (good or bad). When I have tied my worth in the opinion of strangers who do not know my heart or the full scope of my artistry it was easy to lose myself because my contentment was based on the fleeting thoughts of others. When I only see myself through the lens of others I am not grounded and I always question who I am and why am I in the business in the first place.
I question myself the least when I nurture myself and my community. Finding inspiration and meaning in your own life makes my heart so full. When I am fulfilled in many aspects of my life, not just creatively, the opinions of others may still hurt or uplift but it does not shake the foundation of who I am.
Do you ever feel constricted or limited by these industries?
I’ve felt constricted and limited by these industries. I have mostly been met with comments about my body and the constant fear of the constraints of aging. I also feel limited but the sheer over saturation in each industry, it feels like everyone wants to be a part of it so why try?
But, I definitely operate in the world as a white cisgender able bodied woman. I think even though I have felt the limitations of these industries I mostly receive access and respect into most rooms I walk into. I guess all the industries of the world reflect our society as a whole, so much of the limitations or constrictions that we feel as a society are in place in the acting and modeling industry too.
I think we all know this by now but in the modeling industry but also the acting industry, there are limitations on who can “be a model” and be commercially successful or accepted. Most of the time, it depends on your body, age, and race. It’s significantly harder to break into this industry if you are not young, thin, able bodied, white, and cisgender. Many individuals who are far more established than I am have come forward to expose the truly heinous actions and words they've experienced at the hands of those in power, attempting to control or limit them within the modeling and acting industries (My Body by Emily Ratajkowski, @shitmodelmgmt on insta, any interview with any women or femme who has made it in the acting or modeling world as a story! I think Jeremy O’Harris is a genius playwright whose pieces deeply explore American society and its limitations, not just through the lens of the entertainment industry but more specifically about race and gender and more!)
Although these very real and damaging limitations are in place there are a lot of extremely successful models who are currently trailblazing in the modeling world, Quannah Chasinghorse and Aaron Rose Philip to name a few!
How do you balance the passion for industries like this, with the potential risk or feelings of burnout, comparison, or other burdening feelings that can arise?
Finding people who have the same passion as you and building a community. For acting it was finding a mentor that really believes in me. She leads a class with warmness and discipline, we are encouraged, comforted and also pushed to be better than we were last class. I also check in with myself from time to time– if I am starting to feel burnt out, stressed out or frustrated in acting I have to isolate, meditate and really ask myself if this is how I want to be. I realign and try to do my passion from a place of love and joy instead of a place of desperation. I also like to find hobbies completely different from acting to help me feel like a person, wrestling is something that has surprisingly helped my craft. In Brazilian Jiu Jitsu the way you get better as a fighter is to spar with other fighters after the technique portion of the class. When you are a white belt first starting out you get your butt kicked in almost every class and people watch you get your butt kicked! You lose gracefully, fist bump your partner and move on! It's humbling and freeing to fail in that environment and not be bothered by it. In a similar vein, I tried to surf years back and fell off the board for 3 straight hours straight and I loved it. I have to constantly remind myself to find that same sense of fun and freedom in acting as well!
For modeling, I started to do test shoots for fun and to play as a creative director! Since moving to New York, I have prioritized working with close friends on passion projects who have a love for being on set and photography. Freeing myself from the need for a “yes” from someone else. I might not be getting paid for it but making art for the sake of it always feels so invigorating and grounding too.
I really try to build myself up as a whole person outside of the industry, liking myself outside of my look, my craft, and my successes or failures in the industry. I used to constantly check in with myself, “What's your point of view, do you stand for anything? What do you like outside of acting and modeling? Do you even like anything? Do you like spending time alone with yourself? Can you be quiet for 5 minutes without spiraling? Do you have people around you that you love and they love you back? Do you help and receive help from the community you live in?” Standing firmly and exploring who you are makes a world of a difference.
Do you feel like you ever sacrifice yourself for this industry? Is it worth it?
Of course there is sacrifice. We spend money, time and energy for classes, auditions, castings, headshots, portfolios, showcases, travel, clothes, equipment, you name it. People miss important personal days for jobs, auditions, or any kind of opportunity I’m sure.
There have been times where I listened to someone else on something instead of my gut and I was unhappy with the outcome. Even though I pleased the other person by listening to them, I sacrificed my own gut instinct for the “pleasing” of this other person. When I felt the repercussions of not listening to myself I knew that this kind of sacrifice was not worth it.
An acting teacher of mine actually just talked to me about staying true to yourself in the business side of this industry while also investing in yourself. It is inevitable that if you are starting out in this industry with no connections you will have to put in a lot of work to get where you want to be unless you're super lucky! I think there may be a difference between sacrificing yourself and investing in yourself when it comes to this industry.
I feel like when “I am giving up a part of myself in order to gain something in this industry,” I personally think it’s not worth it. When I think of sacrificing something for an “industry” it feels unhealthy and maybe desperate- sacrificing your ideals, values, going into unmanageable debt, going against morals for material gain. You are giving yourself away and you probably will not see a return in investment, or maybe you will but at what cost? You have given yourself up for an empty “success?”
Instead of sacrificing from a place of desperation I think we could reframe it as investing in ourselves from a place of passion and love for the craft! Spending money and or time on good headshots, comp cards, test shoots,and self tape equipment, etc, will make your materials more quality and potentially could get you more auditions or castings! When you invest in therapy and health, if you are able to, you will be taking care of yourself and therefore your instrument! When you go the extra mile on an audition, miss out on a party to get some rest the night before a shoot, appear at a networking event instead of staying home, it may feel like a “sacrifice” at first but in the end these actions are investments in yourself and your artistry!
Much like being a woman in general, Costello ultimately has to want to choose herself, a worthy sacrifice at the expense of ego, fame or success. She is only a puppet on strings if she allows the industry to meld her, and understands that it’s all a part of playing the game, the balancing act between being a vessel for the arts, and being the artist.
Agnes Varda said in Filming Desire, “The first feminist gesture is to say: ‘Okay, they’re looking at me, but I’m looking at them.’ The act of deciding to look, of deciding that the world is not defined by how people see me, but how I see them.” Costello may have sights set on her, but she’s looking right back through those big doll eyes, paving her way.
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